Being Still

“Be Still”. Take a minute and unpack what that really means. To me, it means being patient. Something I struggle with every day.

be still

I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years now with the most amazing man whom I do not deserve. He is caring, patient, loving, generous, calm, strong, almost everything I’m not. He keeps me sane. He keeps my head on my shoulders. We’ll call him C.

C & I moved to Columbia in August 2016 and are moving in together in July! So needless to say, we’re pretty serious. We’ve talked about marriage a lot and we both know that we want to spend forever with each other. But no ring.

If you’re a college-aged girl I know that your social media is filled with engagements, weddings, babies, new houses, all of that exciting stuff. And it is exciting and I am genuinely happy for all my friends and their futures. But I wish it was me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not on their timelines. I am not them, I am me. I keep trying to convince myself that I am ok with where I am, but am I really?

I am trying to be still while waiting for the right apartment for us to move into, while finishing my degree, while wanting C to propose, while looking for a new job. I am learning to be still. I know that The Lord wants me to be patient and that he has a plan and that if it is in His will for me & C to get engaged or married that it will happen because He is faithful. So in the meantime, I am trying to love where I am and who I am and enjoy the now. I am trying to be present. I am trying to be patient. I am trying to be still. 




I’m not overdramatic

Ok well maybe I am, just sometimes.

A lot of the time when I tell my friends or family or boyfriend about my anxiety or my stress I hear “You’re being a drama queen” or  “Stop being so overdramatic”.

These words make me want to punch you. They make me wanna grab you and shake you to knock some sense into you. How dare you downplay my anxiety like that? My real fear?

Ask any college kid you know how the end of the semester makes them feel. I have 5 papers due this week, three tests, and multiple projects. I also work 25-30 hours a week. That’s enough to stress anybody out, let alone someone who suffers from severe anxiety disorder. I stay up all hours of the night to write a paper and turn it in only to stay up for three more hours worrying about how tired I’m going to be the next day. Sometimes I just lay in bed and cry because I don’t even know where to start for my multiple projects, and sometimes I just eat all day because I’m so stressed.

Next time someone tells you how stressed and anxious they are, don’t call them overdramatic.